An entire new meaning of normal

A normal day is not in the cards.


I have PTSD. What does that mean. Every person is different, for me it means that I absorb the world around me slowly. I tend to be more private than ever before. The majority of people I know do not have a good understanding of this.  News Flash:  neither do I.  I just know that things have changed. Telling others that you have PTSD brings about an entire line of questions.  How can you have it, you need to have more faith, think happy thoughts, time to move on, you seem normal, are you going to shoot someone, and the list goes on.

I am working through the issues that go along with it. What exactly does this mean?  Not much most of the time, but living through trauma over and over is hard on the heart, body, and soul.   I am grateful for so much. Even though life is complicated at times. I lose time (although, not as much as I once did) and forget (block) things from my memory. Often times my emotions just happen.  It can be brought on by so many different things.  Everyday is an adventure.  There are so many emotions that I experience daily it is really hard to describe them.

     Right now I am having trouble sleeping.  I go to sleep without any problems, however, I wake up in the middle of the night reliving the trauma.  So today is a rough for me.  Everyday is different.  This does not define who I am or what I am.  It simply explains some of the gaps in my thoughts.  I have a wonderful support system.  A warm, loving, kind husband, parents who are amazing, a brother who listens through issues and only advises after thinking it through, and friends - well I cannot even express how wonderful you all have been.  Thank You.  I find comfort in the arms of my Savior and in his fortress I remain.

I am finishing up my night, after having a very hard day.  It is no one's fault, it just is.  I was listening to the radio and sure enough someone with PTSD has done something bad.  The conversation went on to we have to protect society from people with PTSD.  I am bothered that there is such a judgement with this issue.  I am not harm to anyone.  If anything I am vulnerable and could be considered an "easy target".

I do not know what this person has gone through, but I know that it is vital for someone in my position to have support around them.  I cannot imagine walking this road alone.  This is more common that people realize.  There are so many judgments made about this issue that people do not share.  I am getting ready to put this day away.  I cannot wait to go to bed this day needs to end.


Everything else has to wait.

Sweet Dreams
Shawna


PS - This is not an easy topic for me.  If you write, I may respond, but it might take some time. \

Yes, I am work on this with professionals.